i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
