i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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