when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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