insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
