He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
