true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
