none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im having a threesome with these popsicles
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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