well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said her name was "party"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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