after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....