Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?