Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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