arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus