so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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