I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dick very happy bro
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
