Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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