How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
