is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
