I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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