and you said cock pushups were impossible
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
