69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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