i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
