I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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