did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
