I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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