Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize