Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
