Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
