yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.