So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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