my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish there were birth control emojis
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm just crazy horny about you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!