i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.