It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
