Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
