Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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