WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
