I just made out with a guy for $7.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
