dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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