Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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