i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
