Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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