I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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