I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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