uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
