You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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