Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
