the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
