Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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