The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
