If that was your dad, he is hot
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
