Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
