my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
