Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
