apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
