He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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