they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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