That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
