don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
