Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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