this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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