I wish I could teleport
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize