Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
