omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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