um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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