My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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