Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
