Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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