Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
