I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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