From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
