What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
