I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
