i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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