I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize