He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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