I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
