i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
