If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
