I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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