if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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