She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
