his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
