I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
