i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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