lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
