Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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