Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
