Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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