gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
