Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
