I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
